Archive for October, 2007

30 Days of Night

// October 31st, 2007 // 1 Comment » // Reviews

Strong Jawed Josh Hartnett along with some blond hair Eliza Dushku look-alike-ee band together to take on a random group of bad-ass vampires on the arctic circle - does this not sound like the best action/horror movie in the world ever?! Well, I’d like to say it was - unfortunately it’s one of the worst best movies I’ve ever seen. Which is to say for the first 90 minutes the movie is brilliant, building tension and suspense just at the right levels, dropping in all the right set pieces and lining up a brilliant ending. And then in the last 15 minutes, when I was expecting something brilliant and show-stopping from the climax - the movie turned into the lamest sack of shit that I’ve seen in a long time - so much so that an hour after walking out of the cinema for the Halloween preview I’m still flummoxed by the shit they pulled. The ending sucks so much ass that it almost completely makes me forget the 90 minutes before it that were glorious - like being romanced by the most beautiful girl you ever met, only to find out she’s a fella and then getting bum raped. I HATE THIS MOVIE! 1/10

Angels and Airwaves - i-Empire

// October 30th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

It seems that Tom was the talented one. Blink-182 may have been great in their day, rocking out anthems for the teenage youth the world over, but everyone needs to grow up, and in forcibly disbanding 182 and setting up “Angels and Airwaves” Tom DeLonge has created a sound which is so much more mature and with it a bit darker and in tune with an aging me. Now, don’t get me wrong, their first album was a bit … nondescript - and nothing to write home about. Their second album however more than makes up for it by supplying 12 new tracks which scream brilliance! From it’s first track it grabs by the throat and doesn’t let up for almost an hour of thumping drums, guitars and super-distinctive Tom DeLonge vocals. Absolutely brilliant - with very few albums so far this year coming close to it. With the exception maybe of Jimmy Eat World’s “Chasing the Light”. 9/10

Another 2 mintues for Halo 3

// October 28th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

So, earlier today, after a couple of hours of game play, I wrote a few things down that I thought about Halo 3. To briefly recap: “Who the hell was writing all those reviews? It’s very much the same as every shooter I’ve ever seen”. Well, 7 hours or so on, and 4 game playing hours and I’m here to give my final verdict on the “Game of the Decade” - because I’ve finished it. Yes, after roughly 6 hours of game play I’ve managed to rattle through every level, managed to die quite a considerable number of times (mostly on the final “drive the car” level), and been totally unimpressed with most everything about what has been hyped up to high heaven. The graphics are very “samey” - go look at any of the Tom Clancy games, and there isn’t that much to choose between them. The audio is average, nothing to write home about - and the music is appalling - there is no setting to turn it off, and it constantly plays, often too loud and obscuring the vocals of the story. The game play is just like every other shooter - albeit Bungie have added some nice touches with vehicles. What else is there? Longevity? Well, I finished it on Normal in 6 hours. All I can hope is that the multi player game is great, otherwise I’ve definitely wasted 40 quid on a game I could have rented from Blockbuster. 3/10

Halo 3

// October 28th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

So much hype, no demo on XB:Live, too much money after payday, and I thought I’d give this “Game of the Decade” a try. Reading the box you would think that this game could magically transform every part of a persons life and make them successful where they once were a little bit pathetic - the plaudits are many and great - BUY ME AND BE BRILLIANT!!! So, the fact that the game is quite distinctly average (at least to the extent that I’ve played it), leads me to believe that IGM, The Sun, FHM and The News of the World are all being paid to write their reviews. When you put this game next to the truly brilliant “Gears of War” this game is a pale, near to dead, crippled cousin. There is nothing in there that I see which sets it apart from any other first person shooter that I’ve seen in recent times - of course, this may all change in later levels and there may be some cool new touches which have never graced a console before. I doubt it in all honesty - roll on “Assassins Creed”. 4/10

Saw IV

// October 27th, 2007 // 1 Comment » // Reviews

Not so much 2 minutes this one as two words… “eh?” and “EEHH??!”… Let’s not get me wrong, I loved the first Saw movie - thought it was brilliant. Thought the second was crap, thought the third didn’t deserve a viewing, and have rejoined the series for the fourth outing. Maybe me missing the third has meant that my mind is missing some intricate piece of knowledge that would help me unlock this latest installment, but as I saw it with three friends (who had partaken in the third installment) who all came out equally perplexed as to what the hell happened in the ninety or so minutes that I was supposed to be mesmerised by flowing blood and intricate machines of murder. Really, it was 90 minutes of poorly acted “TV-movie”-esque affair mediocrity. And it would have been mediocre for TV - the fact that I had to pay over 6 quid for the privilege relegates this hack and slash, gore fest to the realms of real appallingness, especially given the rather limited amount of real hackery and slashery, and almost negligable exposed guttishness - all the time going round and round and round and round. And then an ending arrives which gives absolutely no meaning to the previous time spent in darkness. Total, utter, crap. 2/10

Heroes (Book 2 - Chapter 5)

// October 24th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

Heroes is, after a short lived burst of excitement two weeks ago, returning to the days of past where each episode is formulaic, telegraphed and predictable. After “rebooting” the first series by bringing everyone back (Peter, Sylar, Nathan, Everyone), a brief spark ensued where we were fed the shocker that Nightmare guy is Parkman’s old man, and then immediately afterwards each and every character has slipped back into “boredom” mode - and what’s more, the newer characters seem to have come with a “boredom++” setting - Mika’s cousin for example in good old New Orleans, borders on PATHETIC - her powers are dull, and if she doesn’t stop going on about god giving her “a purpose” - or her “being meant for something special” my laptop might get thrown through a window. I am totally unbelieving how people continue to rave about this show, as it “personifies” mediocrity in everything it does. 3/10

Spooks (Season 5, Episode 2)

// October 16th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

How the hell can episode 2 be better than the first? No idea… it just was. And it looks like we’re in for a hell of an arc over the next 10-12 weeks. Zaff alive but still gone, Harry falling to pieces, Adam being brilliant - amazingly brilliant… the entire cast were awesome and it put ‘24′ to shame - Jack Bauer is a pale comparison to the MI5 team! Loved it, loved it, loved it! 10/10

Spooks (Season 5, Episode 1)

// October 16th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

With the millions of monetary units that Americans pump into creating episodes of crap like Heroes - the BBC come along and in 60 minutes manage to get the blood pumping harder, and the pulse racing harder than ANYTHING that the Americans have come along with in years. The first episode was absolutely brilliant and I can only thank the heavens that with BBC3 I only have to wait 30 minutes to see if Zaff is going to end up pushing up daisies - if Adam and Roz are going to get to play doctors and nurses again, and if the UK is going to be wiped out! 9/10

Gina G Chocolate Cake

// October 11th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

Now I’ll be the first to admit I’m not actually a ‘cake’ person - I’ve only ever had one cake (in my adult life) that I’ve actually liked, and that cost almost 750 quid for my friend Suzi’s wedding. That too was chocolate just like the specimen that Greg’s lady friend Gina sent me this past Monday. I’ll also be the first to admit that leaving chocolate cake in the fridge for 4 days probably isn’t the best way to keep it preserved. So, last night I tried Gina cake. Gina cake was EXACTLY what it said on the tin, chocolate, the only part of the cake that didn’t appear to be chocolate was the wafer thin cream part in the middle. This made for startling contrast and made the chocolate look especially brown - all the chocolate; from the cake, to the covering, to the buttons that adorned it’s top, it was chocolate. Now baring in mind the cake had been fridge-bound for days i expected something a little dry - but it wasn’t. It was nice and moist, and the texture was somewhere between fluffy and brick-like - just where it should have been. It’s hard to chocolate overload me, but in the end - it was a close run thing. All in all, the Gina cake was a fairly darned good cake. Unfortunately, I don’t like cake; If I did like cake, I’m sure I could have eaten Gina cake till I died, as it was it was hard work to make it all go down. Great cake Gina, but it’s not you - it’s me. 5/10

The Brave One

// October 8th, 2007 // No Comments » // Reviews

Jodie Foster gets a nipple out. That’s not the entire movie, but is actually one of the more memorable moments of the 120 minutes. Yes, Jodie Foster gets a nipple out. The rest is quite dull - woman and boyfriend get their proverbials kicked to the point of near death/death (respectively) and then said young woman goes all postal and starts shooting up the mean streets of New York. The cop she befriends has wonky eyes and I can’t take him seriously in any role he’s ever in. All in all a very very average affair. But did I mentioned that Jodie Foster gets a nipple out? Though it just occurs to me - it could have been a stunt nipple! 6/10

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