Passionless. And Bettakultcha.

Last month I underwent “Presentation training”. Was mostly a good experience, though of course no amount of training would be complete without me arguing with “The Trainer”. Can’t remember exactly what it was over; but he was wrong. But then again, you already knew that.

Last week I went to my third Bettakultcha - for those that don’t know, this is an event that takes place in and around Yorkshire where complete strangers get up and present 20 slides on subjects of their choosing for the merriment of the rest of the crowd. Before I’d attended my first, there had already been 6 others; and I’d marvelled at them on YouTube.

Whilst I never saw him, the “always nearly too passionate” Si Wilson had apparently done 20 slides on his trusty joystick (not penis) - a gaming fan and a confident guy he was never going to be anything less than buoyant and passionate in his approach to Bettakultcha, and that was the feedback I had heard.

Then Kristal Ireland - she’s clever, funny and darned pretty to go with it; she had done a couple of presentations before I saw her for the first time live 3 months ago - doing 20 slides on Tattoos; someone who looks at home on the stage she delivered her topic with style and grace; though admittedly not quite the comedy stylings of the Vampires bettakultcha she’d done previously - and I’d seen later on YouTube.

And then there was Lydia Slack; not a friend, an unknown, someone who filled up a 5 minute slot in the roster of 15 people that night at Bettakultcha 9. And who was mesmerizing, stunning, brilliant with her comedic delivery around what it was like to grow up on a farm. Yes, I was almost in love for about 5 seconds. Then I remembered she lived on a farm. Yes, I’m that fickle.

Anyway friends, do you see how these two things might intersect in my mind?

I too want to do my own Bettakultcha presentation, I too want to stand up and open myself for the kind of heckling that I so far have only levelled at a very few people, I too want people to clap at me and to be a near internet sensation when the video hits YouTube.

But MOSTLY I just want to be passionate about something that I can talk about it for 5 minutes. And my god I’ve wracked my brains. And come up with nothing. And the more that I think, the more that I can’t think or anything and that more that it makes me mad.

And I wonder then if this lack of passion to talk about anything makes me a bad person, and wonder if this is why I’m single and alone. And then I wonder if it’s not just worth pretending to be passionate about something.

“The prevalence of the meercat in modern day culture” maybe.
“Why the Catholic church should be sold to McDonalds” possibly.
“Tried and testing cures for insomnia” has a real possibility right now as I can’t get my eyes to stay shut, though I imagine it putting people to sleep.

I will continue to try to search for things that I feel passionate about. And hate myself awfully until I find something.

Then hate myself more when I realise I’ve volunteered to talk about it for 5 minutes in front of 200 people. Like an idiot.