Reading again. Plus friends.

The first thing to be said is that I only generally start reading once I’ve seen a really good movie, or trailer for something upcoming that makes me want to pick up the book and compare it… That then usually leads me to pick up other books until the phase fizzles out. The “phase” can be anything between 2 books and 20 depending on my mood at the time and the method I’m using to pick the tomes that I’m getting through - more often than not though I’ll get through about 3-4 books in any one “phase” of reading.

So the movie? Well, almost not pleased to admit and a little embarrassed almost actually, but it’s called “one day” and it’s got superhot Anne Hathaway in it. The book by comparison is written by a chap called David Nicholls and the inside cover is adorned with spectacular reviews - though admittedly mostly from women; and Tony Parsons.

Well, I bought it on Saturday, and as with all my reading phases I generally tend to start at apace, and then taper out such that books end up staying by the loo and taking weeks if not months to finish - that’s typical for men right? Anyway, I’m just over half way through - which is fairly good considering I’ve been hitting the 3D blu-rays and Playstation really hard over the last 2 days as well.

Again, half way through it, and the synopsis so far? Two people meet, fall in love, seem unable to admit that they actually are in love and then skirt around pissing each other off to the point where they don’t talk… I’m hoping they start talking again soon or the last 200 pages might be shit.

But in this, I find myself thinking of my own life, and the friends that I’ve had and lost - without care or emotion; and more importantly the friends I have now and I fear that I am losing - very much with care and altogether way too much, and equally definitely not nearly enough emotion at the same time.

And have absolutely no idea how to stop it happening.

I wonder that maybe I’m not cool enough, that maybe I’m too old, not gay enough; that maybe we’re just not compatible - me, a 30 something digital marketing director, her a 20 something gay engineer who up until recently I was unsure (well, extremely sure actually) of my feelings for; but after some serious internal counseling I’ve come out the other end of the rabbit hole just appreciating spending time with no matter what. And having done that the unthinkable has happened… There is a big fucking hole where our friendship once was. And that chasm between us keeps opening and opening… 3 months ago I couldn’t imagine a day not hearing from her, now I go a week  or two with only a single text message.

I’m heart broken. Another lost friend. And reckon I could probably write a shit rom-com right now. Watch yourself David Nicholls.